Whoo Hoo

Worked out!  Dragging and didn’t want to.  Minor disagreement with daughter, but lifted weights whole body.  She had fun too.  Time takes time.  I think I can I think I can I think j can.  

Onward……..

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Five years later in the same spot………but really not

So here I am again.  Lamenting about my weight, which diet should I choose, today is the day blah blah.  Since my last post I have gotten divorced, put in a year of nursing school, and found work I am supposed to be doing for right now, but I’m not permanent so who knows.  Encountered a cast of characters who have proven to me there are truly selfish (and at best narcissistic) people wandering around without any regard for what’s right.  Learned that I need to lead with that thought when dealing with anyone.  I’ve gotten a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do.  Started Boxing classes……Sang in a recital to get over lifelong fear of singing in front of people.  gone SKYDIVING and can’t wait to go again.  Started and stopped smoking, had a few regression healing sessions and started mediating (or beating myself up for not) daily. so my plan is to blog weekly…….. And

Taking the shame out of this game RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!

I am 5′ 2″ and weigh 217.  Last year at this time I weighed 179.  5 years ago I was 252.

I have struggled with weight all of my life.  Well intentioned advice: “No one will love you if you are fat.  If you eat that you will be fat.  You won’t get a job if you are fat”.  (It really was sadly). Add some trauma and an addictive personality to that, and it could be a nightmare.

But it’s not.

It is my messy, interesting mistake filled life.  Complete with three talented beautiful perfect children, an awesome co-parent/ex husband non-traditional family.  3 cats 2 dogs and a bunch of dreams I will stubbornly not give up on, and possibly won’t realize, but I’ll never stop trying.

My plan is to blog daily till this weight is gone and I am healed.  But I know I might not.  It might be another 5 years.  Who knows.  And I’ll enjoy looking back if that is the case to see all my changes and adventures in one big chunk.  But I hope I don’t wait that long, because everyday adventures abound.  When I am running i see problems.  When I breathe and write I see adventure.

Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!!

 

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I Choose Freedom

Tired of fighting this weight thing.  Today I ate in a healthy way, but i am not looking at myself in a healthy way.  I keep thinking I will be more of a  “real person”when i lose weight.  As if I need a number on a scale to be worthy. Bull#### I say – right now, right here.  So what.    I know  where this comes from, but it is mine now to heal.  So what. I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful children and I am living a good life.  I am ready to enjoy it.  I am ready to be free.

Free means that I am free of this weight  – free of it mentally and physically.  It will take a while physically, but mentally – can happen now if i choose.  I choose.  I choose I choose.

I am living right now.  I am going to wear my hair in a pretty way.  I am going to enjoy my life, I am going to live loudly and follow my bliss.  I choose.

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actual things i have heard myself say:

google  still hamster fast

why is the toilet seat on your head?

who put winnie the pooh down the toilet?

I am sure there is more to come

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